I used to be afraid to ask for what I wanted.

I used to be afraid to ask for what I wanted.

Earlier today, I was with my hair stylist, getting my hair recolored. Feeling the uncomfortable energy and tension between us as I stated, “the color is too light.”

She proceeded to pull out the book of colors and pointed to the one I said I wanted a couple hours ago when I walked in.

I calmly said, “I know, but I don’t like it. It’s too light.”

She had one of the other stylist assess the situation and the stylist immediately says, “I love it. You look beautiful.” As if her loving my hair, when I didn’t, was going to make me change my mind about how I felt.

“Thank you,” I said. “I’d like it to be a little darker though.”

I can see the real issue was time. She didn’t have time to continue to play in my hair until she got the color right. So then I add, “I also don’t mind waiting.”

I can feel the energy shift as she realized I wasn’t going back and forth with her about this color. Regardless of what I said I wanted, now I can see that it’s actually not what I wanted, and what I’d like is a color that’s a little darker. And, it’s okay if I change my mind.

She realized I wasn’t budging.
And neither was my calm demeanor.

She said no problem, went into the back of her salon, got more toner, and started mixing the color together.

I pull out my laptop with gratitude as I waited.

I mean, the color was cute and also very close to what I asked for, but I knew the color could be exact if she went just a tad bit darker.

I deserve a little extra time to get what I want.
I deserve for a little extra grace, when it comes to something as permanent as hair color.

And even if it wasn’t permanent hair color, it’s still a service I’m paying for.

When I walk out of this salon, the last feeling I want to feel is regret.

Fast forward, she finished. It’s perfect. My hair is perfect, just like I knew it could be.

This situation today reminded me of so many moments I let go by without using my voice. So many missed opportunities to express myself, because I was scared of my feelings making someone else uncomfortable.

When it came to relationships, friendships, or even jobs, I’d harbor the feelings, secretly hate the other persons guts, and keep a mental list of everything they’d done to me (that they never knew made me feel a certain way). I’d wait until I’d had enough ammo, break up with the person, end the friendship, or even quit the job.

I’ve learned that people aren’t mind readers. As much as we’d like to think, “they know what they did,” or “they know I’d feel this way,” especially with those who we feel know us best. But that mindset is too easy, and also a closed perspective.

What if they had no idea they hurt you, or made you uncomfortable, or didn’t know you didn’t like the service?

If this is someone you care about, who also cares about you, maybe they’d like the opportunity to make it right?

Or maybe not.

But then you can make your decision to end the relationship, break up, or quit.

My hairstylist was frustrated because of time. But once I let her know that I don’t mind waiting for you to get this right, she realized that I’m her client and I’m paying a hell of a lot of money (might I add) for this service — so she can either make me a happy client, or I’ll gladly find someone else to color my hair the way I want.

Your voice is your most powerful tool.
It’ll get you the things you want, and more.
Promise.

Affirm: “When I speak up, in any and every scenario, I always win.”

Further reading: Healing Your Throat Chakra by Chapter Harmony

xo.

oh, and also. here’s a picture of my hair :)