Gaslighting: a favorite tactic of manipulators, used to obstruct and distort the victims understanding of their own reality, memory or perceptions. 

Signs of gaslighting: 

Denying what happened

Twisting the story

Reversing the discussion to what you did wrong 

Shaming you for bringing something up 

Denying responsibility for their actions

Playing the victim 

Ex. 

“You’re overreacting”

“It’s always something with you.”

“I didn’t do/say that.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“You’re remembering things wrong.”

“You need help.”

“You’re upset over nothing.”

“I was just joking.”

“You’re too sensitive.” 

Techniques:

• Withholding (meaning he or she refuses to listen or says they don’t understand)

• Countering (when the abuser questions the gaslightee’s memory of an event)

• Blocking/diverting (when the abuser changes the subject or questions the victim’s thinking)

• Trivializing (making the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant)

• Forgetting/denial (when the manipulator pretends to have forgotten what actually happened or denies something he or she had previously agreed to)

If you’ve found yourself in this type of exchange before, remember your feelings are V A L I D. Allow them to show up and give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. Continuously affirm yourself and be gentle with you as you get through this. Write down your thoughts and trust your most powerful resource — your intuition.

Sending you love, always. 

Xo.